Yes, I’m Divorced. No, I’m Not Single
Introduction
I wrote this article about 4 years ago (for my writer’s blog) in response to something that happened to me at work. It’s one of those things that usually happens when you’re divorced and co-workers want to meddle and fix you up with someone. The title may seem unusually to you but I hope by the end of this article, you’ll have a better understanding.
Shortly after I moved out to Arizona, I desired to have a girlfriend. Since I was starting my life over, so to speak, I thought having a girlfriend would be the icing on the cake. I joined a video dating service and, before I knew it, got locked into contract which I couldn’t escape. I regretted it almost immediately, but attempted to try it out anyway.
Then
I met Pam. She was a friend of some people whom I met through the message
boards on computer. This was before the internet became all the rage. Pam
seemed like the perfect girl: smart, outgoing, and very attractive. However,
since I was linked to this dating service, I pushed her away and so she ended
up with my best friend. In the end, it turned out to be the best thing for me,
as she had some personal issues and she soon disappeared from our lives.
I
was once told then when you stop looking for that special someone, they will
find you. So I took that to heart and it worked! That’s when I met my wife who
happened to work in the same place as me.
My
wife and I were married in 1997 and, from there, our lives together took off.
In that same year we invested in a house and got pregnant (she got pregnant and
I got the cravings). Our first child was born in 1998 and soon joined by the
second in 2000. It seemed that life was great and the future was bright.
17
years later, in May of 2014, my wife told me that she wanted a divorced and by
the end of the month we had gone our separate ways. She took the kids and got a
smaller house, I found a one-bedroom apartment which, later, I referred to as a
Marital Halfway House. The divorce was finalized in October and with it came
the child support payments.
I
know that this doesn’t explain the reason for the divorce, nor the things
leading up to it, but the purpose of the article is forthcoming.
What does the Bible say?
Since
I became a Christian in 2001, I try to live my life according to scripture and
hoped that my family would follow. My wife was a confirmed atheist and my
children, though they attended services with me when they were younger, decided
to stay home with Mommy as well.
I
do believe that my faith in God had a part in our getting a divorce as she
didn’t seem too happy when I would try to discuss the bible with her or would
be down at the church building every night of the week when we had our (twice
annual) gospel meeting.
The scripture is very clear in regards to divorce in that there is one, and ONLY one, reason for which it is allow. Jesus states in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
But after talking to our preacher, I realized that this was not the
case. We were studying 1 Corinthians 7 in class and it discusses a bit about
separation between man and wife. Here are verses 10 and 11, Now to the married I command, yet not I but the
Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart,
let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not
to divorce his wife. And, of course, this works in reverse as well. Simply put, I have
to stay unmarried or be reconciled to my wife. She had already stated that
there was no chance of being reconciled.
♫ Matchmaker, matchmaker LEAVE ME ALONE! ♫
This
then brings me to the event that took place on July 30, 2015. One of my
co-workers came up to me and she said, “You know you should ask (other
co-worker) out on a date.” Then she added this phrase, “You’re lonely and she’s
lonely.” I looked at her and said, “I’m lonely?” Being alone and being lonely
are two different things. I was alone and, to be honest, I was enjoying it.
Sooner
or later friends, family, and/or co-workers want to share their input with your
personal life. Play matchmaker, if you will, because they think they know
what’s best for you. Now I know she (my matchmaking co-worker) meant well when
she made this suggestion and yes, the woman in question and I did have a lot in
common, but I don’t need to start another relationship of any kind outside of
being just a friend.
Forever Divorced
Since
my separation and divorce, my life has improved greatly as far as I’m
concerned. Although I have a lot less money because of child support and I do
sometimes miss the physical contact, there are other advantages.
I
have brought myself closer to God by studying His word more often than before.
As James writes in the beginning of Jas. 4:8, “Draw near to God and
He will draw near to you…” I have become more involved in my local congregation. Without all
of the nattering of three voices telling me what to do, I am able to serve God
and the congregation the I need to for our spiritual edification.
I
have taught bible class and preached more lessons which might have been
impossible in a household of family.
I
have become what the scripture describes as a Spiritual Eunuch. Jesus discusses
this in latter part of Mt. 19:12, “…and there are eunuchs who
have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.” Essentially, this refers
to those who chose not to marry; the Apostle Paul is a perfect example. It also
includes those, like me, who are unscripturally divorced.
Malachi
2:16 states that God hates divorce. That is a statement that will never change.
Although he allows one exception (Mt. 19:9), he’d prefer the couple to work out
their differences before considering divorce.
As
part of the marriage vows, ‘til death do us part’ is a legitimate and
serious statement. I cannot scripturally remarry until after my ex-wife passes
away. Until that time, I will continue to embrace the word of God and serve Him
in the best possible way.
Comments
Post a Comment